Love's divine
by Gnomjovel
Summary: A Nickxellis one-shot. 2 years has passed since Nick left the safe zone camp and he has trouble sleeping. And the reason is very simple, he needs Ellis.


**Love's Divine  
**

Nick woke with a groan and sat up in his bed. What woke him up he had no idea, only that he now knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again for tonight...That's the twelfth time these past two weeks. He yawned and rubbed his eyes tiredly, he took a quick glance at the alarm clock at the small table beside the bed. It read 3:33 am.

'Damn' He thought and got out of the bed to the chair where he put his clothes. "That's way too early...or late. Fuck" He groaned again, mind flashing back to these past two weeks when it first started. It had gotten worse for every passing day that went, everyday he slept less and soon he perhaps wouldn't be able to sleep at all. Silently cursing to whatever gods of sleep out there, he put on his clothes and left his crappy apartment.  
Chicago was frighteningly silent at night for being such a lively city. Nick had lived here for 2 years now after the damn zombie apocalypse and things and had pretty much gotten back to normal, only that there were fewer people now and some cities still laid bare and under construction.

'Man. It's quite amazing really how fast it took for some places to get back to normal' He thought and thought back to the time he had spent at the safe zone after he'd been rescued along with others, they had been stuck in that camp for nearly two years too. Nick cringed when he thought about the others. He hadn't spoken to any of them since they got separated and none of them had tried seek him out either.  
Sighing deeply he noticed he had reached the park, it was quite far from his apartment and yet he got here so fast. Or perhaps it just felt like it hadn't taken so long, after all he didn't have a wrist watch so he didn't know what time it was now.

He sat down on a bench and sighed again, closing his eyes and tried to relax on the uncomfortable piece of wood. He tried to focus his mind to why all of a sudden he couldn't sleep, he had done this quite a few times now and his thought always came back to the same person...Ellis  
Nick cringed again at that name. The name of the annoying, go lucky and ever optimistic hick, he had come to know during the fight to New Orleans. He remembered everything they did together with Coach and Rochelle, and the time they had on the safe zone. Coach had been really lucky, he found his wife and his two daughters safe and sound and Rochelle had found his brother, along with his wife and kids.

But luckiest of all had been Ellis, as he was greeted with bear hugs and kisses from his mother and friends. And they were many too not just one or two familiar faces; no they had been over ten. Hell even Keith was there and fuck did the guy look like a mess. Looks like Ellis didn't fucking lie about those Keith stories after all, they were only a bit exaggerated, but he definitely had the scars and burns.  
Nick chuckled a bit at the memory of Keith's and Ellis' reunion, he could still hear Ellis loud declaration of Keith existing and he could still remember the finger that practically had been shoved up his face as Ellis pointed at him.

Suddenly Nick felt sad; he just realized how good those memories were and how few of them he had. After all he didn't have someone running up to him and embrace him in a hug and tell him how worried they had been. No he had no one.  
But Ellis and his family welcomed him and accepted him and he was allowed to stay with them. And Ellis had hung to him like a piece of clothing and Nick...Hell Nick had been fucking happy, for the first time in a long time, he had been happy. He had started feeling things he hadn't felt before and that had scared him. Perhaps that was the reason he had left for Chicago, to get away from it all, get away from Coach and Rochelle, get away from Ellis' crazy family and get away from Ellis. To calm down that racing heart of his and get back that calm sense of peace he felt before the apocalypse.

He remembered how he just left and said quite loud and clear to Ellis how he needed space and get his fucking life back and that Ellis wasn't part of it, that Ellis couldn't be anything for him. He remembered the sadness in those blue eyes of his and the silent 'Okay' he had muttered before walking away, leaving the conman there with the others. Coach and Rochelle had practically screamed at him and demanded that he would go after Ellis and apologize, but he didn't. And Ellis' family. Hell they had given him angry looks but said nothing. But he remembered clearly how they had also looked at him with sadness, especially Ellis' mother. She had looked at him, like she knew something he didn't and that she would give him time to figure that out. Yes they had all forgiven him right there and they all knew. But what the fuck did they know that he didn't?

He's been wondering about that for 2 years now and since two weeks ago his mind had unconsciously finally wrapped to an answer. And the answer was Ellis. Nick sighed again and tilted his head back, feeling the drizzle of rain on his face. When had it started raining? But the drizzle quickly became a pour and his entire body got soaked in the matter of seconds.

_**Then the rainstorm came, over me**__****_

Nick felt the rain cool down his body and he began to shiver, but he didn't care. All he could think about was Ellis and that sad look in his eyes. It tore Nick's heart in two and he felt his mind shatter.

_**And I felt my spirit break**__****_

Tears were now falling down his cold checks, but he didn't care. He seriously didn't care. He didn't care how out of character he was, he didn't care that he was sobbing his eyes out, he didn't care for his drenched suit, he didn't care for suits at all. He didn't care for smoking, drinking or gambling, he didn't care for the one night stands he had had. When he first came here, he managed to get a job at a casino. Living in a place he was familiar and comfortable with. But even at the beginning he had felt that pressure in his heart, the feeling that he didn't want to be there. He had just assumed that he was a little out of place and would soon get back into it, when he got used to the feeling again.

But it never came. The feeling only got stronger and soon everything he believed in didn't matter anymore.

_**I had lost all of my, belief you see**_

Nothing mattered anymore, only Ellis. Nick felt such regret for all the shit he said and all the things he had done. Oh how he fucking regretted it all.

_**And I realized my mistake**__****_

Ellis was not annoying. He was optimistic, funny, kind, brave and strong. Okay he didn't know when to shut up and he did do a lot of crazy things, but fuck Nick would be lying if he said he didn't love that about Ellis. Nick suddenly froze at that thought. There were a lot of things Nick loved about Ellis.

_**But time threw a prayer, to me**__****_

Nick loved the way Ellis always tried to cheer everyone up even if he was feeling down himself. He loved the way Ellis would light up as he spoke about his friends and family. He loved much Ellis would always worry about him, heal him and give him pain pills and always be the first one to come for his aid when he was down. He loved how he smiled and laughed and how they could talk to each other without teasing each other all the time. He fucking loved how much Ellis loved him.

_**And all around me became still**__****_

Nick loved how much he had loved Ellis. It all became so clear now. How the fuck could he have been so blind? He always said he hated Ellis, but that wasn't true, he fucking loved him. And Nick needed him. He needed to see his smile and hear him laugh. He needed someone to keep him company at night, like Ellis had done during the run from zombies. He needed someone who would listen to him and talk to him like he was someone. He needed someone that could make him smile, make him laugh and feel at ease. He needed someone to love him. He needed Ellis to know how sorry he was and how much he goddamn loved him. He needed Ellis to be there and help him figure out who he really was and who he wanted to be. He needed Ellis. And he fucking hopped that Ellis needed him as much as he did.

_**I need love, love's divine**__**  
**__**Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind**__**  
**__**Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name**__****_

Nick didn't know how long he sat there, just crying pathetically to himself, after finally realizing how much he loved Ellis. Suddenly the rain stopped. Nick looked up and over at the horizon beyond the tall buildings. A sunrise had risen over the wet and gloomy city and it looked fucking beautiful.

_**Through the rainstorm came sanctuary **__****_

Nick felt a warmth fill up his heart and the heavy burden got lighter on his shoulder. Nick took a deep breath and got up to get a better look at the sunrise and the beauty of it made his entire body feel like it was soaring.

_**And I felt my spirit fly**__****_

And then just like the sunrise had spoken to him, Nick knew what was missing all along. That feeling of being lost and unwelcomed everywhere had brought him down for so long that he didn't realize when it started to lift. Coach and Rochelle had been great friends and they had been the firsts ones in a long time, Ellis' family and friends had been the only family he would like to call his own. And Ellis had been the first person that he had loved and that had loved him back. Ellis was all he ever needed and now of all times he fucking realized it.

_**I had found all of my reality**__****_

He needed to see him. He had to see him. He had to say he was sorry and that he loved him and that he always had loved. Yes he was going to see him and this time he would set things right. He didn't care what he would leave behind and what he would lose. He would get Ellis back.

_**I realize what it takes**__****_

The run back to his apartment took annoyingly long time and it had pissed him off how time seems like to screw him. He literally kicked down the door and started to immediately pack all the necessary things he needed into his suitcase. He then took all the money he had and grabbed his car keys and left the apartment with a slam of the door. He flew down the stairs and went to the garage where he had parked his crappy old ford. That car was broken but it worked and now that he thought about it, it was absolutely perfect. It was the perfect excuse to see Ellis, after all Ellis is a mechanic.  
Even if his goal was to see Ellis and tell the truth, that didn't mean he had to come there looking desperate and pathetic. No he definitely didn't want to show Ellis how weak he was, not because he was so goddamn proud of himself, no he was afraid that Ellis would take a strong dislike to that person. No knew exactly what to do and say and with that he drove off, not looking back a single time, because he didn't need it.

_**'Cause I need love, love's divine**__**  
**__**Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind**__**  
**__**Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name**__****_

The days on the road seemed to fly past and yet they seemed to take years, maybe because he was getting closer to Savannah and getting more and more nervous for every single mile he was getting closer to Ellis. He remembered that the drive was pretty hectic and somewhat rushed and it could kill him if he wasn't careful. His boss from work had even called him on his cell phone and asked why he wasn't at work. And Nick had all out said 'Screw you! And your fucking job, Hell I don't need it' and then hung up. Man had that felt good, Nick had never really liked the guy and the pay was lousy.

He was almost there now, he had just crossed the boarders of Georgia and with just a couple hours ride he would be there. And he was getting even more nervous than before and doubt started to fill him. What if Ellis didn't live there anymore, but that would be most unlikely because Ellis loved Savannah and he had said that a million times. But what if Ellis wasn't same person anymore, and it was all his fault. 'That would be easy. I would stay and take care of him, like I should have done from the beginning' Nick told himself to calm down the feelings of panic in his chest.  
But what if he hates you and doesn't want to see you or have anything to do with you. 'Well then I just say what I came to say and just hope he'll fucking forgive me and don't leave me behind and lets me fall into the growing darkness of my own mind' Nick swallowed hard at the realization of how big part of his life Ellis had become. And if Ellis hated him then he didn't know what the hell he would do or even if he wanted to live if he did.  
And what if he's married and got a bunch of kids. 'What? Are you kidding? It's only been 2 years, there's no way in hell you can find someone, marry then and get a bunch of kids that fast!' He said to that annoying voice of doubt in his head. Oh yeah? Then how about a girlfriend or perhaps even a fiancé, did you think about that?  
Nick swallowed the lump in his throat again. 'That's...Possible yes' He answered. And if he is then what would you do then the voice continued. 'I...I would still tell him the truth and pray to whatever gods out there that he forgive and still wants to be friends so that I can finally move on with my life and get some sleep for once...And then I'll probably just commit suicide, like the pathetic fuck I am' Nick thought bitterly.

Ah who was he kidding; the chances of Ellis ever returning those feelings was close to zero, after he had gone and fucking screwed it up by lying to Ellis that he didn't mean anything to him, when Ellis in fact had meant everything. Ellis is his everything and he prayed hard that Ellis would except him again and show him how to live and love...For the first time in his life.

_**Oh I, don't bend (don't bend), don't break (don't break)**__**  
**__**Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake**__**  
**__**'Cause love can help me know my name**__****_

Savannah hadn't changed a bit since he last where there. And he had calm himself down when he saw people walk around the streets, he had to constantly remind himself that they weren't zombies. The last he had been here they were all zombies and now they were not. But damn did Savannah look more cheerful than Chicago and he admitted to himself that he liked it and finally understood why Ellis loved it so. Speaking of Ellis. Where would he find him? The place was big and he didn't know how to find around here. Then a thought struck him and he slowed down and wind down the car window to ask an old man that looked friendly enough.  
"Um excuse me Sir, but do you know where I can find a mechanic in this town?" The old man turned and looked at him and gave him a toothy grin.

"Well ye, o'course. We only 'ave one in 'tire 'vannah! iss the best too! Jus' follow this here road an' then take a righ' and then anothe' righ' and then one left and jus drive straigh' ahea' till ya'll see the sign tha says *Mckain Mechanic* Yew can' miss it" Said the old man with an extreme southern accent, luckily Nick had heard what he said. Heh must be because of Ellis. Nick thanked the man drove off. Soon he had reached the shop and he could see the bright blue logo with a truck on the sign, just like Ellis' cap. Nick swallowed the lump in his throat for the thousand time and before he could change his mind he stepped out of the car and went over there where he could some of the workers inside.

"Hey! Anyone in there that can help me with my car? The damn thing is broken and it's driving me nuts" He shouted and caught the attention of the mechanics. They eyed him for a bit before giving him a smile and then a voice broke through the air and it was like music to Nick's ears.

"Ah'll help ya Sir! Jus' let me take a loo' in it and..." Ellis voice trailed off as he stared with wide eyes at Nick. And took all his will power to stand there and not scoop up the young man in hug, Ellis hadn't changed a bit, though he did look older and even more beautiful then Nick remembered him. He instead masked his happiness with one of surprise and a smirk on his lips.

"Well isn't this a surprise? Hi there Overalls!" Ahh it felt so good to say those words and use that nickname again. He was about say something else when he suddenly found himself slammed down onto the pavement with a smack. He winced at the hard impact on his back and for awhile he lost his breath. What happened? Did Ellis punch him or shove him down onto the hard ground to beat the crap out of him? Nick opened his eyes and looked at shock as Ellis was practically lying on top of him. Ellis had tackled him with a hug. Nick felt his face heat up at how close their bodies were and the way Ellis practically snuggled into him didn't really make it better. If Ellis continued Nick was going to have an embarrassing hard on to explain.  
"Ah tits! What the hell Overalls? What did you do that for?" He said angrily and sat up, Ellis following his lead but he didn't get off of him and still sat in his lap. Ellis laughed and gave the conman a grin, making Nick's heart burst into a crescendo of fireworks, just like that rock concert at Whispering Oaks.

"Haw man Nick, iss bin so long and Ah jus' got a little excited" Laughed Ellis and eyed Nick with those beautiful blue eyes. Nick felt his heart flutter even more than before but once again he willed it down.

"Yeah? But was it really necessary to tackle me to the ground and almost breaking my spine?" He growled and glared at the happy hick. Ellis just laughed again.

"Ah guess it wasn't" He said. "Bu' Ah jus' felt like it" He grinned and stared into Nick's green eyes.

Nick raised an elegant eyebrow. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah"

Suddenly Nick realized that Ellis was still indeed sitting in his lap and his fellow co-workers were looking at them with smirks on their faces. Nick felt his face heat up again. "Um Ellis?" He said catching the mechanics attention. "You do realize that you're sitting on me, don't you? Could you please get off?" Ellis face then flared up so fast that Nick thought he would die from blood loss at the lack of blood from the rest of his body. Man if only he had had a camera. Ellis quickly got off and helped Nick up and brushed off Nick's now slightly dusty suit.

"Sorry" He heard Ellis mumble as he tried to make the older man look descent again. Nick sensing a tension in the young man decided to ease it.

"So um...How's life?" Nick mentally slapped himself at how cheesy that sounded. But Ellis didn't seem to bother and immediately smiled again, completely forgetting their embarrassing moment.

"Iss bin great! Ah go' mahself a nice white hous' at Riverside Street 52. Sure 'vannah's a little quieter than 'fore and some of mah friends didn't make it. At leas' Ah still go' mah shop and mah Ma and Keith and Dave and the rest" Ellis chatted on and started to ramble on about all the things he and his friends had done. Nick felt a smile tug on his lips as he watched the mechanic happily chat on, just like before. God he had missed this so damn much and it wasn't annoying at all like he had always thought. No he fucking loved hearing Ellis talk and he could listen to it all day if he wanted. But of course Ellis had to stop and then return the question.  
"So uh ye, Ah've had it great. Bu' hows abou' yew? How 'ave everythin' bin for yew?

Nick flinched slightly and frowned. Yeah how had his life been these past 2 years. Living hell he would describe it as and he felt the urge to just blurt it all out to the happy young man. How much he had missed him, his sleeping problems and how much he hated his life. But he didn't say anything and stared silently off into space before Ellis snapped him out of his daze. "Nick? 'Ey Nick, yew alrigh'?" Asked the mechanic with a worried frown. Nick wanted to tell the truth but instead he lied.

"Uh yeah sorry, I'm just a little bit tired after the long drive that's all"

_**Well I try to say there's nothing wrong**__****_

Ellis looked at him like he didn't believe it but left it there. If Nick didn't want to talk about it then don't pressure him about it. That was one thing he had learned during the apocalypse. Instead he smiled, trying to ease up the tension that was once again in the air. "So wha's yew doing down 'ere then? In a shitty car ta the boot'?" He grinned.

And once again Nick found himself lying. "I just felt bored with Chicago and decided to go on a little road trip and see where the wind took me" He shrugged his shoulders but was wincing on the inside at how easy it was to lie to the mechanic and cursed himself for it. Ellis just nodded and smiled once again, at least now he knew where Nick lived.

_**But inside I felt me lying all along**__****_

"An' the wind brough' yew 'ere?" Ellis asked with a quiet voice almost as if he was hinting something. Nick's eyes widen at the question and stared into Ellis' eyes, feeling a blush spread his checks a bit.

"I guess it did"

An awkward silence filled the air, it could almost suffocate them. Nick needed to ease it. "So uhm. How's Coach and Rochelle? I assume you've kept contact with them and all, right?"

Ellis beamed again. "Oh ye! Ah talk ta them all the time. Since Coach lives 'ere Ah don' need ta use the phone bu' since Ro doesn' Ah call her every Friday and ask how she's bin and all. Ah've even visited her some and she too!" Nick only nodded in response glad to hear that they were okay too, he felt sad that he had to part with them the way he did.

"Yew kno'?" Ellis voice suddenly said, snapping Nick out of his thoughts once again. "Coach and Ro are angry with yew! They keep tellin' me tha' Ah should stop thinkin' and worryin' 'bout yew. Bu' Ah knew yew jus' needed time ta yewrself, after all yew didn' know wha's iss like to suddenly 'ave a family. Ah've told 'em tha' bu' they're still angry" God Ellis had fucking nailed it and Nick flinched again at how much he had underestimated this kid, feeling even worse than before he almost chocked out his response.

"Yeah well. Hell I did give them a pretty good fucking reason to be angry with, didn't I? Even you should be angry with me!" Ellis' eyes widen as he stared sadly into Nick's eyes before looking away.

"Should Ah?" He whispered. The way he said it wasn't a question to himself, more like a question to Nick. Almost as if he was asking if he wanted him to be angry with Nick. No he didn't him to be angry at all, he wanted to him to know how sorry he was and how much he loved him. Nick stared intensely into Ellis eyes, trying to send over the screaming message in his head. To let him know what he really felt and that he needed to know what Ellis felt.

_**But the message here was plain to see**__****_

But before either one of them could continue, one of the fellow co-workers just had to ruin it. "Are yew two jus' gonna stand there all day? Ellis bring in the car so tha' we can fix it!" Demanded the impatient man, making Nick snarl slightly in his direction, before turning his attention back to Ellis.

"Okay um, Ah gotta get back ta work. Ah'll check out was wrong with yewr car and yew can come back tamorrow and see if iss done, k?" Ellis said without making eye contact. Nick wanted to say no and tell the other mechanic to screw himself so that he finally could tell Ellis the truth, but that came out of his mouth was.

"Yeah sure. I'll just go and find a hotel or something and be back tomorrow" Damn, Nick you are a fucking coward. Ellis just nodded and then turned his attention to his car, giving a lazy wave over his shoulder. Nick stared sadly and guiltily at Ellis' retreating back before he too turned around and walked down the street, away from the shop and away from Ellis. 'I'm sorry Ellis, I really fucking am and I really fucking love you. Please believe me'

_**Believe me**__****_

Nick groaned as he turned around in the bed of the run down hotel. He had woken up again and just couldn't turn over and fall asleep. He glared at the alarm clock at the bedside table. It read 2.55 am. Goddamnit, that's even less than the last time. This day hadn't turned out they way he wanted and perhaps that's the almighty lord from above's way to payback for all the shit he's done.  
What the hell was he supposed to do now? He had come here in order to set things straight and make it right again, and what does he do? He fucking lies to Ellis and chickens out just as he was about to say 'I'm sorry'. And that look Ellis had given him, that fucking sad look that has tormented him for these past 2 years, was plastered before his eyes as soon as he closed them. Why couldn't he just say sorry, it should be easy? Just fucking go up to him, hug him and say he was sorry and that he loved him. Just fucking go and apologize to him on Riverside Street 52...Holy shit! Ellis had actually fucking told where he lived; he could actually just go there and tell the truth.

He's probably asleep and would definitely not like to be woken up, said that annoying voice of doubt again. 'If I back away now I'll do it forever' He countered. You still have tomorrow on you to talk and who knows how long it'll take to fix that car. But even if you have time, why would he forgive you and take you in like he did before, after all what have you ever done for him?  
Nick snarled at the voice in his head in rage and declared loudly. 'You know what? Screw you! I don't fucking care what you say I'm going and you can't stop me!' The voice disappeared and Nick quickly put on his clothes and ran out of the hotel in search of Riverside Street 52.

It had taken him a bit over an hour to finally find the right street and during that time it had started pouring rain again, giving him a sense of Déjà-vu as he searched for the white house. He had already seen 5 already, but with a quick look at the mailbox he knew it was the wrong name and the wrong house.  
He stood now in front of the sixth white house, it was small and it had a balcony with vines going down the side. Nick glanced at the mailbox and his heart made jump as he saw that name on it. *Ellis Mckain* He found it. He took a shuddering breath as he started to walk up to the door before he stopped. He studied the vines at his right that led up to the balcony and without even thinking he started to climb them, soon he stood in the middle of it and stared through the large windows at the sleeping form of Ellis. He took two steps and stood by the glass door before giving it a hard knock.

Ellis stirred in his bed but didn't wake up. Nick however didn't give he knocked again and harder. There finally, Ellis eyes fluttered open and he looked groggily at the drenched Nick through his glass door. Then it suddenly hit Ellis just what the hell he was looking at, he just all right bolted out of his bed and opened the glass door and looked at Nick with a shocked expression. "Oh mah god, Nick? Jus' what are yew doing 'ere at this hour? Did somethin' happen? Are yew okay?" Ellis asked with a concerned voice. And Nick once again froze as the words just wouldn't leave his mouth; he just stood there staring at him.

"Nick?" Ellis tilted his head slightly and frowned a bit. His eyes swept over Nick's form and he saw drenched he was, since Nick was still standing in the rain. "Christ Nick, yew're all wet come in 'fore yew catch somethin'!" Ellis made a move to move inside again but Nick knew the longer he waited to say what he wanted, the harder it would be.

"I lied!" He suddenly blurted out, making Ellis stop and look at him again.

"Huh? Yew lied...'bout what?" Ellis asked with an unsure voice. Nick frowned and ran a hand through his hair that was laying flat against his forehead.

"When you asked me today If everything was okay, if I were alright. I lied! I'm not okay and nothing is alright" He began. Ellis took a step forward, feeling the rain slightly hitting his nose and bare feet.

"Nick?" He whispered in a confused voice.

"I lied about everything. Nothing is the same anymore and frankly I don't want them to be. I no longer care for everything I had before the apocalypse and I don't care to have any of it now. I can't sleep Overalls! I haven't slept well for almost 3 weeks now and I didn't know why at first but now I know" He said and stared deeply into Ellis' eyes. "I don't care! I don't care for money, alcohol, smoking, prostitutes and gambling at all! I've always thought that I loved that life only to realize how much I fucking hate it. Maybe during all those years before the apocalypse the need to survive had somewhat forced me to believe that I loved it, but I don't. And When I met you and your family I...I was finally given something I've never had! I had friends, family and...Love"

Tears were now streaming down his face and Ellis must have noticed them since his eyes widen in shock. "Had all the things I didn't have at all before the apocalypse and that was perhaps why it scared me so much! You gave me promises of a home, love and a life. And I was so scared that you it would all be a lie, that I would be left behind and broken once again like I've been before. But you didn't lie! I was to one who lied okay" Nick shouted at him, trying to make him understand.

"You're not a burden Ellis! You're not annoying or stupid. You're strong and brave and smart. I lied about everything I said about you. You're not nothing okay? And when I said those fucking things 2 years ago before I left…I didn't mean it Ellis. When I said that you weren't part of my life I told you biggest lie I've ever said! Ellis you are my fucking life. And I'm so fucking sorry" Nick took a shuddering breath, the tears in his eyes hurt but he didn't care he didn't stop until Ellis knew everything.  
"I'm so sorry about everything! I'm so sorry for calling you all those names and being a fucking asshole to you. And I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I just want you to know that I don't hate Ellis. I love you okay? I love absolutely everything about you and I wouldn't want to change a single thing about you. You're perfect just the way you are, it's me who aren't perfect and I'll never be. And even if you hate me and wouldn't want anything to do with me, it wouldn't change a thing about how I feel and how much I need you. I just wanted you to know that, I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry and that I love Ellis. I love you" Nick couldn't form anymore words as he openly sobbed in front of Ellis.

Ellis stood there in shock. Here was Nick, the smooth talking conman, falling from grace and all but cried his eyes out in front of him and declared loudly so that the whole world could hear it, that he without a doubt loved him. Ellis slowly took a few steps and soon he stood in front of the conman in the rain, staring up into that crying face of the desperate and lonely man. Ellis had always known how lonely Nick had been and he knew if he was patient Nick would finally know too. He looked into Nick's sad green eyes and saw the fear of being denied, of being abandoned by the only person he's ever loved. The fear of being hated by him.  
But Nick didn't have to be afraid, he should never be afraid, cause after all Ellis...Ellis then smiled at Nick, a smile Nick had never seen before.

"2 years!" He began immediately catching Nick's attention. "For 2 years, Ah've waited for yew ta come and say those words ta me Nick! Not tha' yew were sorry, 'cause Ah already knew tha' yew didn' mean it. Ah've waited 2 years for yew ta say yew luv me, jus so tha' Ah can say tha' luv yew back" Nick smiled and the smile was one of pure happiness and relief. The feeling was so strong that it made him dizzy.

"But why would you pick me? Of all people?" Nick asked and carefully brushed a strand of hair behind Ellis ear.

"Maybe 'cause Ah was as lonely as yew Nick. And Ah needed yew as much as yew need me" Nothing more needed to be said as Nick grabbed Ellis around the waist with his right hand and with the left tilted Ellis head up and brought their lips together in a longing kiss.

_**'Cause I need love, love's divine**__**  
**__**Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind**__**  
**__**Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name **__****_

The kiss was everything he hoped for and more. He felt warmth he hadn't felt before fill him up and he forgot how cold his body was out in the rain. Slowly he and Ellis made their way inside, eyes never leaving each other as they laid down on Ellis' bed. Nick prayed hard to which ever god out there that would listen. Prayed that he wouldn't lose this wonderful and beautiful person beneath him. Prayed that he wouldn't be hurt and that Ellis wouldn't be hurt. That they both could live and finally become the people they wanted to be together.

_**Oh I, don't bend (don't bend) don't break (don't break)**__**  
**__**Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake**__**  
**__**'Cause love can help me know my name**__****_

That night they made love for the first time and Nick finally fell asleep peacefully as Ellis lied beside him, whispering his name in joy. "Nick"

_**Love can help me know my name**_

(-)

This is a little fic that I posted on NickxEllis Livejournal. I decided to post it here too, hope ya'll liked it ^^ and please excuse my grammars if you see them :P The song is Love's Divine by Seal


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